Home, alive, tired, sad, lonely. Becca forcast for the day- overshadowed. I love you all, I'm off to conference tomorrow. Good bless.
posted by Becca at 11:16 PM
Last morning in London and I am so fucking happy about it. Its going to be so great to eat real food and see people I know and smile and laugh and sing. I'm going to conference dang it. Its gonna be a blast, excluding the whole break up thing. I mean, I get to hang out with Sarah, who I adore and haven't seen for a year. Hope fully Natelie will be there and the Clap Nazi won't have to die. Sarah and I might be rooming together, her sponser is in charge of something or other and she's trying to pull some strings. That would so rock. As for the whole break up thing, I know how I want to react, I just don't know how I will. I want to go, put my best foot forward, and try as hard as I can to be friends. Now, knowing me, I probably will be redused down to sobbing and crying the first time she gets near me, but its nice to hope. I still wish this was all a huge joke and that we could all make fun of it later on. Its not, this time I think its for real. Ouch.
Anyways, sorry to have robbed you of a week of Becca up dates. I think I'm going to try and write down the basics for you all when I get home. I'll give you a quick little, miniscule update right now.
How Becca is doing-
Emotionally- Ok, not great, a little bit sad. There are some slight signs of tear showers in the forecasts, but only at unoppertune times when she's been thinking.
Mentally- Can't wait to get out of this stink hole called London. She's spent three months of her life here, and she doesn't like the location!!! Location, location, location.
Physically- Tired, but not tired enough to sleep on the flight. Right shoulder a little sore and she is anticipating ANY massages offered at conference *wink wink*.
Once again, sorry I haven't replied to e-mails, but thank you for them, they've really helped. Donovan, thanks, I'll be anticipating those man eating worms when I fly into Dallas today. *Smiles* But seriously man, thanks alot, you always make me feel a lot better. Vanessa, yeah, lets talk, doesn't have to be about ANYTHING important, I just want to hang with you. Ricky, pull through babe, it'll be fine. Analise, I don't know why you haven't written me back yet, but its all good. That was a pretty harsh e-mail, and I hope I didn't *sound* mad. I wasn't and I'm not. Just hurt some. Don't forget, park bench, first night of conference. We have a date.
*Smiles softly*
See you in America!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
posted by Becca at 3:03 AM
Please don't lie to me. Just don't do it. I hate it when people lie.
I love her.
I love you all.
Becca
posted by Becca at 3:31 AM
Wow, sorry I've not kept up with writing. Shit has been crazy these last couple days. If you really want to know about Copenhagen, ask me later, and I'll tell you in detail. It wasn't that cool. It just was.
So, one of my youth sponsers died. I'm ok with it now, but I haven't been back to church yet. We'll see later.
Analise and I are over. I called last night to leave a message and she was home, I was amazed. We talked and finally got around to stuff I thought we were over. I thought that we were ok, but I was wrong. She just loves me as a friend. I love her as in *love*. She just wants to be friends, so we broke it off. I'm still hurting pretty bad. I really need her.
I am just to overloaded on emotion right now. If I wrote to you, displayed these feelings, I don't think it would be a pretty picture. Or a pretty paragraph or whatever. I'm going to write to someone. I don't know who. Maybe Vanessa or Donna. Maybe Erin. I don't have any idea.
I love her.
Good bless.
Becca
posted by Becca at 3:34 AM
