I've decided that I really like myself. I'm a pretty cool person.
And now for something completely different.........................
WEDNESDAY
Yesterday morning, I woke up took a shower, hung around the house, ate an apple and then walked to the FSU center with Rebecca. Not me, the other one *giggles*. We checked our e-mail and I wrote in my blogger. Then we met the rest of my family and got lunch.
We headed to the National Gallery, or in other words, Lots and Lots O'Paintings. I wheeled my Grandaddy around in his wheelchair for two straight hours, writing down my thoughts so he could read them (he's deaf) and having a great time. Everyone else went on the tour. It was so great to spend time with him, to actually have conversations with him. I don't think that I have ever had a real conversation with him before and I'm 17. He is wonderful.
After the Gallery, we headed home by bus and Rebecca and Ben made dinner again. This time it was vegi stirfry with mushroom tofu. It was really good.
My grandparents left and I was sad to see them go. I won't see them again until Christmas. Distance sucks.
Ben and Rebecca left for the night and I went to my room, cut up some magazines and fell asleep.
€£€£€£€£€£€£€£€£€
Sister Hazel is the bomb diggity. Period. They, along with Vertical Horizion, are my favorite bands. Heck yeah.
Your Winter
Sister Hazel
Grey ceiling on the earth
Well it's lasted for a while
Take my thoughts for what they're worth
I've been acting like a child
Your opinion, and what is that?
It's just a different point of view
Ooh, yeah
What else, What else can I do?
I said I'm sorry, yeah I'm sorry, Oooh
I said I'm sorry, but what for?
If I hurt you then I hate myself
I don't want to hate myself, don't wanna hurt you
Why do you choose your pain?
If you only knew how much I love you, love you
I won't be your winter
And I won't be anyone's excuse to cry
We can be forgiven, Ooh yeah
And I will be here
Old picture on the shelf
It's been there for a while
A frozen image of ourselves
We were acting like a child
Innocent and in a trance
A dance that lasted for a while, Ooh
You read my eyes just like your diary,
Ooh remember, please remember, Oooh
Well, I'm not a beggar, but what's more
Is If I hurt you, then I hate myself, I don't wanna hate myself, don't wanna hurt you
Why do you choose that pain?
If you only knew how much I love you, Noo
I won't be your winter
I won't be anyone's excuse to cry
We can be forgiven
And I will be here, Oooh
Nooo, I won't be your winter, I won't
Cause I won't be anyone's excuse to cry
We can be forgiven, I know
And I will be here
I won't be your winter, I won't
And I won't be anyone's excuse to cry
We can be forgiven, Whoa I know
And I will be here
This song gets me right in the gut. It makes me feel. I feel a lot when I hear this song.
This stuff with Analise is strange. She and I are finally saying that we want to be with each other, but by no means does either of us
want to be together. Distance and time do strange things to relationships.
If you only knew how much I love you
If you want advice, here it is. Don't define love. I tried to, hurt myself, hurt her, hurt our friends. Don't define love or feelings, go with it, flow with it. Just be; No expectations.
I wish I could talk to Mayra about this on the phone or something. She and I haven't talked to each other for weeks.
Feel Free.
posted by Becca at 4:05 AM
Yesterday was
TUESDAY!!!!!!!!!! How exciting!!!
I started out the day by waking up, taking a shower and walking to the FSU center with my Daddy. When we got there I did the e-mail thing and the blogger thing and then we met Ben, Rebecca, Zack and Mom to go get some food.
We ate next to the Tower Hill tube stop with a few of the students and then we walked to the Tower of London *minor chord here*. There we met the grandparents and the students with the tour guide. My dad went and did his professor thing while the rest of the family spent the entire time showing our grandparents around. It wasn't the best time that I had in my life, but it was ok.
After the Tower, we took the London buses back to the flat. Carol and her husband Bob came over and we had a grand dinner party. Ben and Rebecca fixed a wonderful meal of vegi tacos and some sangria. Sangria is a Spanish drink with wine and fruit juice. We did the whole eat dinner and talk thing and then my grand parents and the Thompsons left.
We cleaned up and then I went and listened to some Sister Hazel while I cut things out of magazines. Then I took a nap.
I woke up at 12:00 and called Analise. She told me to call back in thirty minutes. I took another nap, and the called Analise. It was really great, I got to talk to Shands and Vanessa as well as Analise. I miss all of them and I can't wait until I get to see them. Shands, of course, lives twenty minutes away from me and soon, so will V. She's going to TCU so she and I will be able to hang all the time. I get to see Analise at conference. That should be interesting.
She and I talked stuff out last night. She and Daniel broke up. We decided that if I was there or if she was here, we would be together, but that is the extent of it. No long distance shit, no trying to make it work. At least we've both learned from that experince.
I don't know what I'm going to do in the next year relationship wise. I am still very much attracted to Sunshine, any one who has seen us together could have told you that. However, no way in hell I'm waiting for a year. Its not worth the lonlieness. I don't want to be commited to anyone while I still feel this way about Analise, because it wouldn't be fair to the other person. So, I guess, I'm just going to "date" people until I feel I can commit. There isn't a wide market of girls who just want to date, so I'll have to see how that goes. I would like to be intimate with someone, in a spiritual, sweet way, but I don't know if I can do that without the commitment.
Whatever happens happens. I'll figure it out when I get there.
*Muah*
posted by Becca at 5:48 AM
Thursday, after I left the FSU center, I rode the tube home and cleaned my room. We packed everything for the trip and then proceeded to sit around the flat, waiting forever to leave. Finally we did.
We took the tube to Paddington Station and from there took the Heathrow Express to Heathrow Airport. We checked in, got on the airplane, got to Madrid, found our hotel and slept. Sleep is good.
Friday morning we slept in and then quickly got ready. Ben and I took charge of the trip, because we know more Spanish than the rest of the family, and started out by finding a place to eat. It was sooooooo good. I had ham and a sunny side up egg. MMMMMMHMMMMM. The British breakfast of bread was smashed to pieces.
After we ate, we walked to one of the main squares, Something de Sol. It had a huge statue of a bear eating strawberries off of a strawberry tree. I didn't think that strawberries grew on trees, but you never know. After we wandered around there for a few minutes we walked to yet another square, Something de Mayor. Can you tell that I'm blanking on the names? It looked almost exactly like the huge square in Venice (yes, I have been there) without the huge masque looking Catholic church. Venice was strange. Any way, we took the scenic route to the Real Palace *in Spanish* or the Royal Palace *in English*. It was huge and magnificent. Ben was giddy with excitement the entire time and his enthusiasm spread through out the family. It was one of the best day trips we ever had.
After gazing around the palace for an hour or so, we headed back to the hotel and took our siesta. I worked on the regi book, made a pretty picture and wrote the beginning of my intro to the region.
When everyone woke up, we took yet another walking tour. However, this time we did a FOOD walking tour!!! Muy interestante. We went to five or six different tapas bars. No, not topless bars, TAPAS bars. Basically, we walked from bar to bar, eating their appetizers, drinking whatever. My parents and Ben drank lots of fun stuff *smiles*, my mom was even a little bit tipsy by the end of the night. Any way, it was great, so much fun. Oh, at this one place I ate calamari (squid), shark meat, octopus and shrimp. The shrimp isn't all that big a deal but the rest are pretty bitchin. Yay for fun. After we ate our fill of tapas, we went and got churros and chocolate. Churros are long, fried, thick pieces of bread. You dip those in a cup of dark chocolate pudding and then eat them. Good stuff.
We went home, I finished writing the intro to the region and went to bed.
When we woke up the next morning,
Saturday morning that is, we showered and walked to breakfast. That was good food, I like Spanish food.
After that, we jumped on the Spanish Metro and headed to the modern art museum. It was really sweet but I didn't get to walk around it as much as I had liked. All of the works were really interesting and I got to see a huge room of Picasso's work, as well as several other really famous artists, but for some reason I can't remember their names right now. Very cool, I wish we had had more time to see it.
We grabbed lunch and Burger King after that *grumble grumble* and I got a wicked pair of sunglasses. Burger King sunglasses. Kickin.
We then went across the street to the Prada, the main art museum in all of Spain. We wandered around there for a really long time, loosing parts of the family at different times, thus making it much more interesting. Ben has taken a couple art analysis classes in college so he explained a lot of the techniques and reason behind the paintings. It was a blast. We saw an exhibit on Titian that was really cool. My favorite painting of his is amazing. Saddly, I can't remember the name. For some reason I'm blanking on all names today. Any way, it is a picture of Jesus praying in the garden before he is arrested. He is high up on a hill and the light from the moon is shinning directly on him. In the right corner are the guards coming to take him away, carrying a lantern. The rest of the picture is amazingly dark, and though you know there are shapes in the darkness, you can't tell what they are. Very cool.
We also saw some Goya and that guy was pretty sweet too. I enjoyed it.
After the Prada, I was feeling pretty sick, so we decided to go get some food. We couldn't find food so I got some sunflower seeds from a vender and dealt with it.
We then walked back to the Something de Mayor and Ben had his picture drawn, at the request of my mommy, while the rest of us window shopped. I bought some castenets. Very cool.
We walked back to the hotel, chilled for about thirty minutes, and then walked across the street for some vegitarian cuisine. Mind you, Zack had Mc Donald's before we went. The food was great and the vegi boys enjoyed it to a great extent.
Then we went to bed.
We ate breakfast at the same place on
Sunday morning and then we walked again to the Something de Mayor.
There was a huge coin and stamp market there, kind of interesting, but none of us collect either so we walked to another market. We walked through it very quickly and then walked back to Mayor, fought a little bit, resolved everything, walked back to the market. After that it was smooth sailing.
At the market I got several cool things. I got a pair of kick ass sandles, girls, you will be jealous, an aum head band thingie, a funky hat and a purse........ for my cousin. Ha ha, gotcha.
After that we went to the hotel, got our bags, went to the airport, waited several hours, answered questions Bruce sent me, ate some food, got on a plane, got to London, came home, tried on the sandles, talked to family and then, I went to bed!!!!!!!!!!!!! That was the best part.
So, yesterday was
Monday. I woke up, cleaned myself, put clothes on and came to the FSU center with my dad. Things are getting much better with him, by the way. Any way, I read a lot of e-mails, answered most of them, wrote a huge ass e-mail to the Innies and consultants which included both my intro to the region and my answers to all of those questions. I read some e-mails from Analise and worried about her.
Ben went and picked Rebecca up from the Victoria Station somewhere in that time. I didn't see them until this morning.
The rest of the family met my grandparents at the Victoria and Albert Museum. I gave my grandparents a tour for about 4 hours, even though I had never been there before. I did a pretty good job at both being very patient with my Grandmama and finding things they liked. I was, however, very tired when we were through.
We parted with my grandparents and ate dinner. Mom headed home while Dad, Zack and I took a 30 min tube ride to Tower Hill to meet the class for the Jack the Ripper tour. Very cool. The guide is awesome. He is an actor and therefore is amazingly dramatic and gruesome about the whole tour. The best part about the tour is watching everyone's faces as he describes the wounds of the victims. The girls are particuarly fun to watch. I, of course, laughed when I wasn't supposed too, every time I wasn't supposed too. I always find that tour so amusing, in a strange way. I have a very different sense of humor. *Shrugs* I enjoy it very much.
After the tour, 3/4s of the class stopped at a pub. My dad, Zack and I joined them. It was alot of fun. I hung out with Carol and got to know some of the students, finally. I know two of their names now, Bree and Summer. I've decided that any one named Bree is gorgeous. I've met two in my life so thus far my theory stands uncontested. We had fun.
My dad sent Zack and I home early while he stayed out with the class. Party animal Dad. Very scary.
I came home, cut out lots of stuff from a magazine, tried calling Analise three times, realized I wasn't dialing the right international code, talked to Yolanda *Analise's mommy*, found out Shands and Megan are in Austin and that Ricky was having a party, spent a long time trying to call Ricky's house, called Analise's cell phone, told her to answer Ricky's phone, talked to Shands for thirty seconds, Analise for a few minutes and then proceeded to worry more. By this point in time my nerves were shot, much like they were when she broke up with me last year, while I was in London. Very weird feelings and I don't know why.
When I got off the phone at midnight, Ben and Rebecca got home from the concert that they had gone to. They seemed so happy together. They ARE so happy together. Its great. Rebecca is very sweet and very intelligent. She makes Ben happy and thats all I care about. We talked for awhile, had some good laughs, and then I went to bed exhausted.
All Done
These last few days have been kind of weird on an emotional level for me. Everything in Spain has a sun on it. Something de Sol. Sol= Sun. Analise= Sunshine. Thats the nickname/petname I gave her while we were dating. I still call her Sunshine sometimes because it still fits. Suns were everywhere in Spain. I had weird dreams the entire time. In one she was trying to get me to kiss her. I wouldn't because I was dating someone named Lindsay or Jessica. I can't remember which. The entire time my heart was breaking because I wanted to. Last night I had a dream that I was in love with a girl named Isabell. For some reason she and I got separated and I spent the rest of the night searching for her. When I woke up the first thing that popped into my head was Analise's name. Since bi-regi she and I have had some weird feelings for each other. I finally released all of the pain I had during our relationship and she realized that she wasn't over me. The entire situation was flipped. I still feel really strange about it.
I think she and I need to talk this out.
*Eep* This feel kind of weird, writing that on here. For one I know that Analise will read this, but I also know that Mayra will read this. I like Mayra, a lot. I don't want anything to mess up the chance that she and I have of being friends or of being more than friends. The situation is just strange in general. Lots of emotion over even more distance.
Oh, one last thing before I sign off for the day, sorry for my grammatical and spelling mistakes. I'm having to write these super quick, Speed Typer Becca style. I don't have time to go back and correct the silly mistakes that I make, even though I want to. *Grits teeth* I hate grammatical and spelling mistakes, you have no idea. I feel silly going back and reading my words and seeing them jumbled.
I'm in love with Clarity. You all know that.
Feel Free and Good Bless.
posted by Becca at 5:32 AM
